October 26, 2010

Mommy and Daddy Dearest

My relationship with my parents is pure dysfunction. I’ll admit it. Enough visits to therapists settled any thoughts that maybe it was just me and I find it entertaining that after months of sessions  that I’m told it should be my parents sitting across from them instead of me.

This past weekend I received a call from them, now if it wasn’t for the Mister pushing me to answer the phone I would have just let the call go to voicemail. I took a deep breath and said hello it was then I was greeted by my mothers snide tone congratulating me on getting married to the Mister  (note I got married 2 weeks ago). The conversation was purely uncomfortable; I knew she didn’t want to talk to me just as much as I didn’t want to speak with her. It was though she felt obligated to call, and after her brief catch me up with her life she handed the phone to my father and as she handed the phone to him I heard her fakeness slide right off of her……..following her huff of annoyance she told my dad that it was me on the phone and that she had informed me about the package that was in the mail. Seriously she could have done me a favor and put me on mute or cover the phone with her hand. My conversation with my father was just as unpleasant; he couldn’t help but throw in the fact that they were going to take a trip to Vegas in the next couple of months. Now…..don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t care if they went to timbucktoo but when they gave their word to my children that they were going to come out this past summer to visit them and instead of seeing them they go to Vegas and then suggest that I can bring my kids to see them while they are in Vegas just made me sad.

Sad because they are missing out on bonding with their grandkids due to their issues with their relationship with me.

The fact remains that they will never be the type of parents that I hoped they would be and with months of counseling I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never have the parents my sister has….but I will no longer stand on the side lines hoping that maybe one day they will treat me the same as they do her.

October 23, 2010

Agree to Disagree

My 16 year old daughter hurried to get ready to go to a party and those of you that have experienced a teenage girl in the middle of a clothes crisis, their room ends up looking like a hurricane hit it. I sensed that she was about to hit her frustration point until she asked if she could wear one of my pink shirts and my Lucky Brand jeans. I didn’t see a problem with it; we have borrowed each other clothes for years. Although I won’t dare to try a squeeze myself into her shorts or jeans……..I know I’m 36 NOT 16 and some clothes ARE just NOT appropriate for a thirty something.
As my daughter was heading out the Mister leaned over and said “why are you letting her wear your clothes?” he seemed very bothered by this and I told him that I knew that she was wearing my clothes and I don’t see anything wrong with what she’s wearing. She had actually toned it down a bit tonight.
I asked the Mister why it bothered him so much and he said that girls borrow their friends clothes, moms and daughters shouldn’t be sharing clothes. I’ve always shared clothes with my daughters. I see it as me being thrifty and saving money. Yes, I do have my own clothes and so do they……..but there are just some shirts that we mutually enjoy wearing. Granted, I never wore my moms clothes……I never saw anything appealing with what she wore. I was a bit baffled why he has a problem now,  we have been together for over a year and a half and he’s seen my daughter and I share clothes……so why is it a problem now??
Obviously bothered, the Mister continued to say that men don’t want to see their wife in the same clothes that their daughters wear and vice versa . He added that when I would wear those jeans he loved how they fit, now he wouldn’t be able to see me in them the same way. I told him that he’s just being ridiculous and that he’s being materialistic. As I was about to say that we will agree to disagree on this situation he continued to say that I just don’t understand. NO I don’t understand why his panties are in a bunch. It wasn’t like she was wearing one of my bras, corsets, or something revealing.
We are just going to have to agree to disagree or he’ll have to end up buying me a new wardrobe if he seriously has a problem with my daughter and I sharing clothes.

October 20, 2010

Escape From Reality

I wish at times that I had the luxury to just hop on a private plane and fly to my favorite places for a few hours so I can experience the sights, smells and the most delicious food I’ve ever tasted all over again.

When I find myself wanting to just escape I close my eyes and picture myself walking along the cobblestoned streets of Little Italy, NYC taking in the culture that oozes out of every restaurant and bakery that I pass. I’m easily entertained by the accents of the big burly Italian men that stand in front of their restaurants shouting out in Italian how magnificent their menu is and trying to leer me into their restaurant, and all I can think about is where is Don Vito and the rest of the Corleone family?

But first thing is first and as I’m continuing my walk on Mulberry st, my senses take over and I’m instantly taken into the most amazing deli. Just stepping foot into this place makes me gain 10 pounds just by the smell alone. I’m in carb heaven………breads line the aisles, and yes I inhale hmmmmmm….nirvana! My senses become awaken by the smell of pancetta, prosciutto, Calabrese, sopressata, and as the jolly old butcher notices my desire to just take a sample I smile and force myself to leave. In a way I’m in the middle of an amazing foreplay session with my senses because once I get to my destination …………….all the teasing will be worth it.
I venture into the little ma and pa bakeries and just want to sink my teeth into the fruit tarts and cannolis, but I’m close to my destination so I listen to my growling stomach and continue on down mulberry street.

Casa Bella Ristorante sits on the corner of Hester and Mulberry. It’s a quiet little restaurant and although I normally sit inside and gaze out the window I choose enjoy my meal outside and partake in my favorite past times, people watching while I devour my favorite dish…….penne con broccoli with chicken, along with their mozzarella ,tomato basil salad and  sipping on a glass of merlot. The first bite is indescribable; it’s almost like having an orgasm in my mouth …..and there I sit satisfied getting lost in all that surrounds me.

“ring ring”  I’m whisked back to reality; to the life I’ve become accustomed to …………………cubeville.

“Good Morning, you reached the business office ……………how can I help you”  and as i take a deep breath and start my morning, I smile knowing that without a doubt that i will be back to walk the streets of Littly Italy.

Things My Mother Never Shared With Me

The horror of ARM JIGGLE :

My mother never warned me that when I hit a certain age certain parts will start to sag. I swear I think I’m about to take off when I start to comb my hair and I see my arm flaps just flapping away so carelessly or when I’m blow drying my hair, and there it is.......hanging. Urggghhhh the torture. It reminds me of the scene in the sweetest thing when Christina Applegate shares her saggy under arm horror. That’s seriously what it is…..horror. There’s no magic cure, there’s no sag be gone, or sag under arm miracle cream…………………no you have to go to the gym or work out in the comfort of your home to make those things disappear.

Shit…..if my mother only told me about this I probably would have gotten a jump start on preventing the sagging under arm situation a long time ago. All she would have had to do was show me hers and I’d be sportin some nice arms at the age of 36.

So I pulled my daughter aside and warned her. I showed her what gravity can do to under arms if you neglect them. She wasn’t too horrified….but she can at least say that I warned her!!!!


October 19, 2010

We will always have Paris......................Las Vegas

So we did it and this time there was no stress. No invitations, no family bickering, no arguments on flowers, music, who is doing what in the ceremony, who RSVP’d and whose feelings were hurt because we didn’t like their input. I didn’t have to worry about whether we were going to get married outside, in a church, by a priest, friend or pastor. The Mister and I decided to head to Vegas and get married under the Eiffel tower with Amy and her husband standing close. 

I didn’t think I would have ever wanted to get married after our cancellation back in May. Leading up to the wedding brought nothing but unnecessary grief, stress and visits to a therapist. It was a blessing that we put the wedding on hold to work out some kinks before making such a huge step……ok that’s a lie, not just some kinks……it was chaos that decided to just show it’s face right after the Mister proposed. Talk about being put through tests to see if we could make it through……so I guess you can say that we passed the tests that were thrown from every direction.  It wasn’t easy that’s for sure, but it sure tested our strength,love and commitment for this relationship. We didn’t do it on our own though, with the help from God, going to retreats hosted by our church, hanging around with people that share the same values regarding family and marriage we soon realized that our troubles were diminishing.

We decided a month ago that it was the right decision to go to Vegas and elope.....we booked our rooms, found a person who would marry us, I was able to trade my wedding dress in for a simpler Vegas type dress,  things just came together so smoothly with no stress what so ever. It was nothing like before.........................and before we knew it 10-10-10 came and I couldn't wait to be married to my best friend.

NOW....don't get me wrong. I know things won't be a piece of cake and our relationship will have it's ups and downs but what we have going for us is that we now know the correct way to speak to one another and we have a better understanding of how we click.