February 18, 2011


I admitted to the Mister today during a heated conversation that in order for me to sleep at night I need to take a sleeping aid otherwise I would be up all night tossing and turning worrying about our finances. I’m simply tired of having to live pay check to pay check, worrying if we are going to be able to pay a bill or two. I worry about if we are going to have enough money to prepare food for the kids. Granted, we always find something to put together, Thank God. 

I’m a planner. I need to have things in check for the week. I’m not overly obsessive about it, but I like to know what the hell is going on. What set of kids are staying for the week and for how long, who has projects due, or places to go. It’s all in my head…….and sometimes I just need for it to shut up. i need my own CTRL ALT DELETE. 

Today we got into it about our finances……and I was accused of being inpatient. INPATIENT? I didn’t see where that played a part in our conversation of the lack there of $$$$. Hell our finances haven’t been so great since his surgery last year and when he was let go from his job. Things got behind….way behind and now it’s time to play catch up.  I’ve been patient for months now……..I’m tired of having to stress about if something is going to be paid, I’m tired of stressing if he’ll make enough tips to cover a bill. 

So to silence the mind I pop a pill and my mind quiets down …..some days I wish I could sleep forever but the reality of it is……this too shall pass and things will eventually get better, but until then sleep is my closest friend.