October 19, 2011

I have to do ...what??

I hate having to stand up and present to others. I don’t mind training on a one on one basis but when my boss approached me last week and told me that I had to give a presentation on customer service at the next department meeting,  I had flash backs of grade school, junior high and high school. Now, I don’t have any of those horror stories where I had a whole class laugh at me or that I made a complete full out of myself. I really don’t know where the fear came from, maybe somewhere in my subconscious there is a memory that I have locked up and buried but all I know is that I would wish for the flu or I just took the F in school if it meant that I had to present in front of the class ALONE. Come to think of it I was too nervous to give a speech at my sisters wedding!!!

As the days approached to give the presentation I managed to push it in the back of my head, I didn’t want to deal with it. Well Monday came and I knew Wednesday was just around the corner and I hadn’t even started prepping for the presentation. Monday night came and I couldn’t even settle down,  I have known my co-workers for more than 4 years so you would think I would be comfortable enough to stand up in front of them, but nope……..and what in the world am I going to talk about that hasn’t already been said week after week?  Tuesday morning came….urgh……I scanned articles online and put something together and gave a proof to my boss to review. I got the big 2 thumbs up…..that didn’t help the nerves……which carried on to this morning and when I’m anxious I get the most uncontrollable stomach ache so I made the conscious decision to not eat or drink until after the meeting!!  My boss who was aware of my stupid childish fear told me everything was going to be ok and then threw in a big unexpected AND  “by the way the other department head wants you to present in their meeting as well!” ………...OHHHH MYYYY GOD!!! Seriously???? yes….so seriously!!...............i had NO time to fake an illness because the meeting started……under the table my leg were shaking and I felt my nerves get the best of me. Then it was my turn……so I did my best and gave my presentation, I knew I stumbled over a few things but as I looked around the room , I saw my close co-workers and my boss sitting there smiling on.  The second presentation went well also……and I got positive feed back afterwards!!!!  

Has today cured my fear……HECK NO!!!  I hope I’m good for quite sometime!!