April 22, 2011

It's hard to keep quiet

It’s been 8 days since the Misters hip replacement and for some reason this recovery has been harder and more demanding than last time. This surgery was suppose to be a quicker recovery and less evasive but the Mister isn’t handling it as such. 
I understand that he had surgery and I understand that he can’t do certain things at the moment. I also understand that I am his wife and have to tend to his needs BUT there comes a time when enough is enough and this was apparent yesterday when I was sent home from work because I was about to lose it. I literally had stressed myself out and going on 2-3 hours of sleep a night in the last 8 days that yesterday I came to work and was throwing up from 7:30-11:30 ,almost falling asleep at my desk and crying after a phone call from one of our customers. 

I knew it was going to be tough, remember we went through this last year ………………but I don’t recall him being THIS needy or worrisome. I must have heard him complain about the swelling every time he woke up from his nap and I must have sounded like a broken record because time after time I would tell him “you just had surgery, and think about it if someone broke their wrist, arm, ankle or leg would it be swollen?”, “yes, I know I’m sorry”. It came to appoint were I was coming home having a glass of wine with a Unisom, but that never worked out like I had hoped because I would sleep for a few hours but then was awoken by the clanking of his walker, his moans, or his requests for more ice, more pillows, rub his feet, another ice pack, some water. Then there were the requests that I couldn’t really help him with which was his inability to go #2 !!  but when he kept complaining that he couldn’t go and simply told me that I don’t understand the pain of not being able to go for days I nearly  left him stranded on the toilet!!  “what do you mean I don’t understand? I think I understand completely….I have had 3 children and know all about NOT being able to GO or want to push” and miss Lily (my dog) stood right next to me who looked at me with the same confused look….heck she knew what I was talking about she had 4 puppies not so long ago!! …… so to make it easier for him and his feat I made him a pot of coffee, a couple Colace pills and prune juice for later.

I also know that it’s wrong for me to compare his hip replacement to my pelvic fracture (skiing accident 5 years ago) which took me out of work for nearly a month. In my head I compare it BUT I don’t voice it …… at the time I had no one to help me or take care of me, It was just me at the time(my children were with their dad on winter break) the guy that I went skiing with didn’t stick around to help with my recovery so it was me and my wheel chair. It was,  I think more painful than child birth. I remember having to use my crutches to get me out of my wheel chair and into my bed and at times I had to painfully drive myself to the doctors or to the store but at the beginning I was helpless.  There was no one to fetch my meds, get me an ice pack, grab me an extra pillow, help prop me up when I just couldn’t, make me something to eat, I had to somehow gather the strength from inside me and fight through the pain and I didn’t have weekly visits from a physical therapist to show me the safe way to get around. 

So, yesterday when I came home I knew that I needed to tend to ME. I needed to sleep and recharge because what good am I to anyone….meaning our children, the Mister and work if I’m down for the count!  I was able to rest a little bit but not enough because I ended up losing it and having it out with the Mister over a blanket!