October 07, 2011

Keeping it together

Tonight we were supposed to be packing for our one year anniversary trip to San Francisco, instead I spent the day at the courthouse filing a restraining order against my husband.  He hasn't been back since last weekends occurrence and he won't be back for awhile. No, he's not in jail.....his mommy bailed him out of that mess. So he's staying with his parents and taking care of his issues. 

As far as me well, I'm taking it one day at a time. I have my moments of break down, unexpected tears falling when I'm in line at a check out stand and I look over and there's a man telling his wife he loves her, or like yesterday when I was at my sons football game and a couple was cheering on their son, the husband looks over to her and says "you're so pretty, I love you".  I tried to be incognito and wipe the tears away but you can only do so much, so I sat in my car until I could get it together. 

When the anxiety hits I use the tools my counselor said I should do.....sometimes it works and sometimes well I just get upset. Who wants to imagine themselves on a beach when you're ticked off at the man who was suppose to protect you? I don't!!!   I know some day I will get over the fear, get over the anxiety and become strong again....but it will take time.....................a long time.