October 14, 2011

Fake Forgivers

This is something that was brought up in counseling this morning. For the past week I have been told by a friend who is very deep into the church that I need to forgive the Mister for the incident that happened a couple weeks back. Now, I know that God is a forgiving God and I know that I was taught in Catholic school to forgive others because God forgave us for our sins……but here’s where I am at. If I “forgave” him without a pure heart then I really haven’t forgiven his actions and I wouldn't really have moved on. 

My counselor agreed and mentioned how she recently went to a religious seminar and the topic was fake forgivers. She proceeded to state that there is no timeline for you to forgive someone especially when the incident of the action was still fresh.  For her she stated that when she grows irritated at her own anger or realizes that the issue isn’t relevant to her present then she has to forgive to be a better person for her own personal growth. She brought up a scenario that when something of a horrific matter happens and you hear that a family member declares they have forgiven the person the following day it’s not really forgiveness……because again the matter is still fresh and you haven’t dealt with the feelings of the situation. 

I admit I’m guilty of being a fake forgiver. I would pretend to forgive the person but because I never quite put it behind me I always seemed to throw the situation out there as a dig….a hurtful dig. I knew it was wrong and I knew that it was wrong for saying I forgave the person for their actions when in fact I was still holding onto the hurt and not working on confronting the hurt or situation. I’ve learned now that forgiveness is completely letting go of the past, it’s pain, its anger and grief. Forgiveness is operating in the here and now, where the even t is no longer occurring.

I know I’m not ready to forgive, for me the inward scares are still so fresh. I’m not saying that I will never forgive…..I will, but in time. I need to know that it’s pure and not fake.  In time my anger and fear will work itself out with prayer and counseling…..and each day is a new day for self growth.

as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:11-15