When I first met the Misters
family I got the impression that they were about family and it even became more
evident when we announced we were going to get married. Talk about being
swarmed with unconditional love, his mother called to talk to me about my day,
her day, the wedding almost daily. His father would greet me with a hug and a
loving smile, there would be girl lunches and family parties ;I felt like I hit
the family jack pot . HIs mother would often tell me
that they were my family now and this was due to the strain I have with my
parents.
Things changed drastically
when we cancelled the wedding due to issues that needed to be resolved prior to
us taking such a big step of “For better or worse”, it was like one
minute we were one big happy family, going to lunches and fittings and then the
next minute “poof” it all disappeared. His sisters stopped calling,
stopped returning my calls, his mother grew cold towards me and the hugs from
his dad stopped. The family get together (beside the Christmas party) we no
longer, it was strange. It took me awhile to understand the new family dynamic
and how his mother’s word wasn’t so. Even after we got married
things never returned to what I was introduced to. I have to admit I was sad,
it was all a façade and this family wasn’t as close as they claimed to be
but I accepted it and moved forward. I was touched by my mother in laws
gracious and kind gift a few months back to send me to see my sister for a nice
little weekend vacation, which I seriously needed. Of course in the back of my
mind I was thinking “whats the catch?”, “when will I have to
pay it back”, but she said it was a gift and told a story about her
relationship with her sisters. Yet again this gesture came out of nowhere but I
thanked her from the bottom of my heart.
Imagine my surprise when I
found out how my mother in law really felt about me. I knew she was upset about
the incident that went down between her son and I, I was amazed how she
condoned his actions and made me feel like I was a “nothing” in her
eyes or to the family. I was saddened how she threw in the fact that I had a
vacation on her dime and now she can’t take one because she has to bail
out her son. I didn’t ask them for any assistance to see my sister, I
would have found a way to spend time with her but now her act of graciousness
was tarnished. I allowed her to speak her peace which wasn’t so peaceful,
it stunned me actually and there standing beside her while giving me the riot
act was my father in law with his head hung low. I did explain to her my
actions, which I shouldn’t have but I did. I thought eventually she would
see things clearly and not be so judgmental towards me, but I was wrong.
It’s just getting worse, she now is feeding the Mister negative thoughts
about me like I am going to take him for all he has (to that I say…what does
he have?), I’m just going to run off with another man, I’m evil, I
never loved him, and heres what really hurt to hear, she stated that if the
Mister didn’t share all our drama with her she wouldn’t have all
this anger and hatred towards me. It’s as if she’s saying “only
if she (me) would have been submissive and not bring the tiger out of my son
this wouldn't have happened therefore this was all her doing”.
I know she was delighted to
hear that I was moving out of her son’s home real soon and although she
claims she will stop enabling her son, I really don’t believe it. It just
breaks my heart that she sees me as this woman who is only out to destroy her
son’s life.
I remember that Sunday
afternoon hours after the incident and my mother in law stood there telling me
and a few others about how she tells her granddaughters that if they find love
make sure the man they fall for doesn’t have a mom. Yes, I
know…..we were all confused by this statement. She continued to state
that she tells her granddaughters to run the other direction if the man’s
mother is still living because nothing good will come out of it, because the
mom will always be part of her sons life in all aspects. To this a few stepped
in and debated this statement but she was dead set on standing true to her
statement. I then thought...."is this what she would have liked me to do with her son before I met his family.....high tail it the other way and give up on the chance of a love so grand?". From the sounds of it.....maybe.
She stated that she was always made to feel by her mother in law that she wasn't ever good enough for her son and how that made her feel awful.......well, if she could only look at how shes behaving. It's not any better than how she was made to feel by her mother in law. .........right?