I’m beyond stressed and
annoyed today. I can’t stand knowing that all he gets to do is come back
into the house once I leave and pick up where he left off…well minus me
and my 2 dogs. He doesn’t have to come up with stupid deposits for the
electricity ($101) , gas ($50), Time Warner ($240)(cable,internet,phone), and
let’s not talk about the first and last for the apartment plus pet
deposit ($1000 +), or the Uhaul ($40 +) that is going to move all my stuff. By
his lack of self control that one day, my children’s life and mine have
been turned around, yes for the better……….but still
inconvenient and stressful. I have to give up my Explorer, ruin my credit
because I can’t afford a place AND a car payment (thank god I
didn’t sell my car which was paid off), I have to move, I have to come up
with money that I don’t have, I have to rent “to own” just to
make my place a comfortable living situation for me and my children. Again
while he sits at HIS home, with HIS children ……….not having
to give up anything or be put out. How does that make sense? He did the
crime…..and then some, but it’s costing me an arm and a leg.
I’m sitting here at work
trying to keep it together…..I haven’t broken down in weeks just
because I’ve been too busy with trying to get things packed for the move
and figuring out if I am going to have enough money for EVERYTHING. I am trying
to stay composed in front of my kids because other stresses have appeared and
those need to be addressed. I’m kicking myself for selling my
things when I moved in with him 2 years ago, but again how was I suppose to
know that this would be our future? I guess I really never had a place
considering he never gave up some of his dresser space, only gave me one drawer
in the night stand on my side…..I was only lucky enough it get a plastic
multi drawer thing in the closet and a broken dresser….which I can’t
even get into…..so I have no idea what clothes have been held captive. It
would have been nice for him to fix it all those times he was at home not
working or even making room for me in his dresser…..but whatever……that’s
another thing I need to add to the list of things I need…………a
dresser!!
It’s not like I
haven’t been on my own before, I
have………………..but see he was my best friend
and he went and put us in this position. Yes, I’m not saying that he is
completely at fault we have been spinning downward for quite some time…I
just wished he would have taken control of HIS life when I asked him to instead
of lecturing me about my life and my weight. There are so many things that
happen in my day that I would normally share with him but now I just keep it to
myself. Whatever…..I will get over it like one day I will get over
fearing him but I know that will take a very long time.
But right now, I have to
figure out how to make ends meet for this move and maintain focus while I am at
work because this is what pays the bills and takes care of my family.
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