Weekend In Review

In an earlier blog I wrote about how my oldest chose to forgo her birthday party because she felt it was becoming over the top…….she stated she didn’t want a cake, balloons, streamers and PIZZA….she also felt that all we would need to spend is $20 which wouldn’t even feed ¼ of the people that were planning on arriving. Well, I didn’t hear from her that night and knowing she was attending the local fair with her aunt and uncle I just kept my mouth shut and was going to deal with her in due time.

Saturday:

My oldest had planned to take her sister, brother, her sister’s boyfriend and uncle to the beach and it was planned that she was going to take my car. I knew that they were leaving at noon so I got up early made sure the car had a full tank of gas, I was planning on taking it for an oil change and to check all the fluids and tires…..I wanted to make sure the car was all ready for their little trek to the beach but as I was taking the mister to work the oldest called in a demanding tone “WHEN ARE YOU DROPPING OFF THE CAR?”……hmmm “ Good Morning to you too” I thought….I explained to her that I was dropping the Mister off then picking her brother up from football practice, getting the car checked and then I will bring the car over. She threw a major fit. She said she was going to pick up her brother and that I don’t have to get the oil and tires checked. I explained the plans again and all I got was attitude. She then stated that I just didn’t want them to go and that their plans were getting ruined. “How am I ruining your plans? You will get the car by noon…..the tank is full of gas, the tires and fluids will be checked and you will have a gas card so you can use it instead of your money on the return back” she continued getting mouthy and had the nerve to ask what my problem was……….in just a few seconds it took me from holding my tongue to realize what an ungrateful person she has become to letting her have it. I told her how I felt about her cancelling a party that everyone had been planning on attending and then heres the shocker she said “well people are still coming over and we are just going to all hang out and go swimming?” ……I asked when this was decided and she said Friday and that it was just going to be simple. It  hit me that I wasn’t even going to be invited, she was going to take my car to the beach expect  a cake on her return and then have her little shindig at her aunts/grandmas house on Sunday. I was beyond livid and as she’s yelling at me regarding the car/beach I disconnected the call because when she refuses to let me talk about I’m getting disrespected than I don’t need to hear it. She called again……I asked “can I talk?” she started yelling…….Disconnect. The next call was her saying that she wasn’t going to the beach. “Fine that’s your choice”.

Later on that day I was told her father that my oldest stated that I sabotaged the beach trip. I told him that if that was the cause would I have filled the gas tank up? Had the fluids/tires checked? Bought a gas card? I don’t see that as sabotaging anything …..It’s more like making sure my children have a safe vehicle to drive in.It was non-stop chaos all day between both girls……..but believe me when I tell you. Their mouth just got them in serious trouble.

SUNDAY:

Wasn’t supposed to be drama….but of course why not just end the week with a good slap in the face right? Friday night, I had joked around with the Mister and said “watch, I bet they are going to have a get together/party anyways on Sunday but without us”. Well yesterday that was made true…….but what I didn’t want to believe was that they would go all out and have a party still even after she made a big deal about us going overboard.

I soon found out that friends/family had showed up…..chicken/hot dogs were being served……people brought side dishes……a cake was even bought…..presents given…..happy birthday sung. So everything minus a balloon or two had been done…….just like I had planned and just what she claimed she didn’t want. Then the true reality of the situation came to play…….she just didn’t want me there! 

The why hasn’t been found out yet…….when I made her aware that I knew she had more than a tiny get together and it turned out to be much more she told me that I was “warping” things…..hmmmmm I don’t think so…….how can I anyone misconstrue a party that was full of family and friends, tons of food, cake…..presents…… there’s no misunderstanding that. Even before things went downhill Saturday ……she had plenty of time to call and tell me the party was back on……but she didn’t.

I learned a lot this past week……and both girls will realize the hard way that their choices this past week will have some very hard consequences.

Would have been helpful

20 years ago!!!!

and The Bullshit Continues

I am so glad this week is over. It’s been one thing after another and the stars of this week are my two daughters. It was suppose to be a wonderful , drama free week but I guess I was sooooo wrong to even assume that could possibly be the case. ….the only thing that I was looking forward to even after all the drama was my daughters 20^th birthday party/family get together which was going to be held this Sunday. 

I wanted my daughter to remember this quick visit and why not send her home with memories of family around her celebrating her birthday. So her aunt and I were working together for a couple weeks now coming up with ideas, people to invite, what to serve…….and considering people are on a budget it wasn’t going to be anything extravagant. Streamers, balloons, hanging ceiling decorations….nothing over the top. For food I was thinking pizza and the family members agreed to bring a dish ….sort of pot luck style. Now, the only thing was to get in touch with her father (my ex husband) to collect his half which was $30. 

Seems fair right??

I wasn’t going to ask him to go in half for the decorations….that’s my thing and I enjoy it. It was around 3pm today when I heard from my daughter, stating that this birthday thing is just out of control. “Excuse me?” ……she has not been part of this at all and I’m not stressing about it so why is she? She stated that all she wanted was a BBQ that’s it! and all that needs to be spent is $20. I laughed….I explained that $20 is NOT going to feed even half of her father’s side of the family. She then rudely stated “well I DON’T want Pizza!!! Whats wrong with having a BBQ?”. I explained to her that her father’s side of the family is big, which means we would need a lot of hamburger meat, hot dogs, buns, condiments, chips, sodas….and I’m pretty sure people are going to want more than just 1 hamburger….so to keep the price down I was going to get 4 pizzas, a cake and drinks and people would bring a side dish. “I just don’t want this party anymore, just forget about it I told you I didn’t want a big thing” she yelled. I explained this wasn’t a big thing just family getting together…….she then told me that she just didn’t want to do this anymore and that she will come over Saturday and we can do cake. I calmly said “I will take the decorations back and call your aunt so we can cancel the party”…and hung up.

I held the anger /disappointment and MY TONGUE till I got outside the office and called the Mister. “She doesn’t want to have it, she doesn’t WANT pizza, she doesn’t understand that having a BBQ is going to cost A LOT more than pizza…..ohhh and get this we can have cake on Saturday…..screw the cake! Doesn’t she see that we were doing this for HER?” …..of course I’m leaving out the explicit I would probably be banned from blogger!!  

So I called her aunt and left a message about the cancellation per her nieces request and sent out a bulk text stating that I was sorry for any inconvience that this last minute cancellation  may have caused. 

Ohhh about that cake she thinks she’s going to have when she comes over on Saturday night…….not going to happen.  She’s not going to dictate how she wants to celebrate NOW when we have already talked about this for months…….no sorry. She just doesn’t get it……………she doesn’t see the love that was put behind the planning and family members who were coming to join her …..she doesn’t see the good intention behind the thought that we were going to celebrate her. We don’t see her much during the year because she is in college…………..so this was more than just a birthday party or family get together …..this was about HER being with us and US celebrating her before she leaves. This was our way of showing her that we are proud of her.

Whatever……

New title "Secretary".....who knew? Aug 13, 2011

“You need to stop being his secretary, he needs to grow up!” …..no this didn’t come from the Mister it came from my 17 year old who  as of late thinks she is an adult and let me just say she’s far from being an adult. She feels entitled, she feels that she is due respect because she will be 18 soon. “Soon” for her is around the corner, “Soon” for me is 6 months….1/2 a year away.

I went through this stage 3 years ago with my oldest daughter so  this isn’t new to me. I understand all 17 year old kids just smell independence when their 18^th birthday is just around the corner. I know I thought I knew it all at 17 what teen doesn’t ? and what 17yr old doesn’t drive their parents to the point of truly wanting to  show them what it’s like to be an adult for a day or two. 

Last night while I was attempting to help my son with his project / journal my daughter mouthed off and said “You need to stop being his secretary he needs to grow up, he’s 15”.  ….. A secretary huh?  It was comical to hear my daughter lecture me about  her brother needing to grow up and how I always help him with his school work. ……..It was obvious that she had amnesia or must have hit her head at the water park earlier because she is forgetting that if it wasn’t for ME continuously being on her ASS last year and emailing her teachers, asking for extensions and extra credit work she wouldn’t be graduating this year.  See my daughter seems to forget that I asked her every day if she had homework and on many occasions I would hear “no I don’t have any homework or I did it in class”….it wasn’t until I would log onto the school portal and see that she missed assignments/projects/or failed tests that she claimed she either did or studied for I would see what direction she was taking. 

The difference between my son and my daughter is that my son will come home sit at the table and do his homework and if he has questions he will wait for me to get home so I can help him…….my daughter well when she decides to do an assignment she will claim that she has it covered. So during this “lecture” my daughter was giving she threw out that I do his work for him…...now  when it comes to Math my son “gets it” when it comes to English and trying to understand symbolism well he gets a bit frustrated and that’s where I come in…….I don’t give him the answer I break down the paragraph so he can have a better understanding where the author is coming from, I will then ask him questions that pull the answers out of him…….then “he gets it”.  

The argument was going nowhere…..and she knew it. She knew she wasn’t having any effect of me because her telling her brother to grow up was just her looking straight in the mirror. She hasn’t done anything to show me that she is mature, there's excuse after excuse to why she can’t look for work, she wants this or she wants that and who does she ask????  Me…….because she states her dad has no money and I somehow can pull money out my ass!!, she will pout if she doesn’t get her way…..she’s a typical teenager….but mature she isn’t. ……..but if she wants to be treated like an adult she will have a rude awakening!!  

 ~~~~~stay tuned!!

Young, in love and .......stupid.

My 17 year old has been dating the same guy for about a month and in my opinion I was very impressed with this boy. He had goals and knew where he was headed in life. Now did you catch the word “HAD” in my last sentence? He had planned to go into the airforce and was set to go later this year but now I guess there is a hang up and as of very recently ( yesterday) he told me that he has decided to go into the Navy with my daughter.

Here's my problem, my daughter just started her senior year and will not be heading off anywhere until after graduation. He graduated last year and is living at home. I envision this boy just chilling at home, taking care of his sister and grandfather for a year, until my daughter graduates to start his life.  I asked Jerry what his plans were for the next year and quickly he responded that he was going to the local college, apply for aid and move out. Knowing that the deadline has passed to get into any classes or even to submit for aid I asked if he was planning on going this winter. He had no answer…….I seriously think he didn’t do the proper research and I think he realized 1. I’m not stupid and 2. He didn’t think his plans all the way through.

I put it out there to my daughter that she really needs to put the idea in his head that he needs to do something during this year if he does decide to wait for her to graduate but for someone to hold off on a career choice or life venture for a year is kind of crazy. Of course she had a response...... when doesn’t a teen have a response? right? She asked why I was in his business and I clearly said “you are MY business, he tells me his business therefore bottom line this is my business”. She told me that he has been looking for a job but of course she tells me no one is hiring which is not true…….there are plenty of openings now because kids are going to back to school and college kids are heading back to college.

Personally I don’t think it’s heathly for some young guy to wait to start his life when he has only been with someone a month and just grow complacent in his life NOW. I know that his home life is one that would bring anyone to sign up and get out into the world but ……… there's something holding him back.........the love for my daughter.

Waiting for a SIGN

 

I support my children in every way possible. I even support there silly hobbies or sudden interest in the latest fad but what I don’t quite understand fully is my oldest daughters view on relationships.

I have a lot of respect for her, she is only 19 and her faith in God is at the highest of priority and always has been. Her goals for her future have been set in stone since she was a little girl. She is putting herself through college and has impressed us all!! But the only thing that she hasn’t experienced is LOVE, she has never dated and this is where her and her sister are at odds.

I wouldn’t say she has “old school beliefs” it’s more like "old world" beliefs. She believes that she will know whom she will marry when she sees the man. That she was raised that the man she will date will be the man she will marry and that her sister needs to stop having these “flings” with boys if she has no desire to marry them.  

Now when she states this was how she was raised….well I know I never said anything of the sort to her and her father wouldn’t have said this because he was way too busy with his “flings” before and after we were married. So unless she was transported back to the 1800’s or some Amish country in a night,  I’m not certain how she has come to way of thinking.

I just fear that she believes that it’s going to be like the movies or like the characters in her pioneer / Amish Christian books where there is one boy and one girl and WHAMMO happily ever after. No guy is going to stand holding up a sign saying “I’ve been sent here from God  I’m the one”. That’s not how it is , it’s not as simple and G rated as she thinks.  I wish it was but it’s not.  Theres a lot involved and yes theres no problem with meeting a guy, becoming friends ……eventually date with that little giddy girl feeling anticipating the possibility of marriage and see if you two are compatible to withstand a lifetime of marriage.  

I see her give her sister advice about relationships.......but as i keep my mouth shut i ponder "shouldn't you experience a relationship and love before you start dishing out advice on relationships".....her sister tries to debate her side but theres no wining in this scenario. 

Please stop the ride

 

The merry go round called my life never stops and what I mean by that is as you read in the previous blog; a rule has been put in place by my ex husband.. aka His Royal Highness when the kids were 5 years old. This rule is that our children if they choose to date have to introduce their boyfriend or girlfriend to him FIRST.  Tuesday was the first time I heard of this ludicrous rule but to calm the waters I agreed to respect this off the wall rule......seriously what does it matter who meets them first....ohhh wait, he claims to have a sixth sense and can tell if they are playing him or not. OK.

This morning my daughters boyfriend asked me if he could see my daughter. I explained to him that he cannot see her until he shakes his royal highness hand (ex husband).  Awhile later he tells me that he is going to meet with HRH tomorrow…..ok good I thought. Then I get a message from Jerry stating that HRH said it was ok for him to see my daughter today. I told him that no he is not going to see her until he meets with my ex tomorrow.

So to just pull this all together for you………….HRH had his panties in a bunch for the last day and a half, caused a bunch of havoc to only go back on his rule today. HELL NO!! so I texted him a nice message and by nice I mean…..to the point with a pinch of edgy bitchness to it. He advised me to call and call I did. In pure royal highness fashion he wanted to take control of the situation but I wasn’t going to have it. I told him he will listen first. I told him that he needs to explain why he would throw a fit and cause chaos to only over turn his rule. He stated “I can change my rule whenever I want to”……………my mouth was to quick for my head to process what came out next. “well next time you want to tweak your rule please send out a fucking memo!” He claimed since he was going to meet with him tomorrow then he didn’t want to seem like a dick and allowed for him to see her. ……..well 1. You are a Dick and 2. There is no way I’m going to allow that because some how some way it will  it will find its way back to me, bit me in the ass and I will be at fault. 

I explained his rule will stand as is and as far as him banning my daughter from going to church with me I clearly stated that if she is with me on Saturday and we choose to go that evening she will be going and Jerry will be going as well. He then turned the conversation into a religious issue………..he proceeded to explain that if she was a true catholic then any guy she plans to marry will have to become catholic because she would not be able to get married in a catholic church. I explained to him that he doesn’t need to give me a quick class in catholism considering I am one ……………I also threw out the question “so what happens if she falls in love with a jewish man? You do know he will not change his religious beliefs for her she will change for him?”  of course he wasn’t having it but I was saved by the bell!!! The lunch bell ……… I told him it was time for me to take my lunch and had to leave.

It comes down to the simple fact of him being a control freak and because he doesn’t wear the pants in his home he needs to control his children and try to control situations and others around him by his arrogant “I know all because I went to college” attitude. (mind you he went to school to be a PE coach).

Now how is this my fault

"It’s your fault to mom, you shouldn’t have allowed me to have him over”. Excuse me ? now how in the world has this turned into my fault?

Let me explain……

I’m not sure If I ever mentioned that I was once married for a brief 5 years back when I was 18. “His royal highness” and I had 3 children and for reasons I don’t want to bring up now …..we filed for divorce….he moved on and dated a stripper and I moved to the chilly Midwest with my 2 little girls and a bun in the oven.

Now….unfortunately we now live in the same town that we grew up in and we both raise our children………separately of course. Our style of raising our children can be at times a battle…….and looking at the calendar I guess another round was due. This time it involves our 17 yr old daughter. 

So from what I gather from all this chaos is  when she was 5 years old she made an agreement with “his royal highness” that when she would start dating that she would introduce her boyfriend to him first. YES you read that right….she was 5!!!  Now she is 17 and this is the first time I have ever heard of the ridiculous agreement. I want to see the contract ……and her signature that would probably be scribbled in crayon.

Last night I asked “His Royal Highness” to make sure he dropped the kids off at my house at 12, of course there was issues with that request but I didn’t let him steal my joy. Then he wanted to know if I knew that our daughter had a boyfriend. I told him that yes I knew she was dating Jerry and that I thought he was a good kid….plus he’s been attending church with us because his parents don’t believe in God and he was questioning his faith so we invited him to go with us. ---- I had no clue that I was about to step into a world of chaos.

My daughters boyfriend was sitting on her fathers curb a few days ago. “HRH” was outside watering flowers but assumed that this kid outside was just someone from the neighborhood and when he asked my kids (who were inside) if they knew him they said no. It wasn’t until Jerry texted my daughter to come outside that they realized who was sitting out on the curb. -----Now, if some kid was sitting outside on my curb for 30 minutes I know I would ask the kid if everything was ok and ask what he wanted with my daughter, but that’s just me----So HRH kept stating that this kid was a coward and that I’ve disrespected him by not telling him about this boyfriend. He pretty much took it to a personal level and started to compare our teenage encounters to her which was totally of base. 1. She’s not pregnant 2. She’s still a virgin and 3. She has made a vow to wait till she is married to have sex…………. . It came to a point beyond ridiculous  and LATE. I told him this is NOT our battle it’s between her and him and there has to be a reason why she feels she can’t bring anyone to his house and that he has to work on his relationship with his daughter and leave me out of it and stop the mud slinging.  Of course in RH fashion he kept going, but picked it back up this morning at 8:30 with his fists beating loudly on his chest….texting me THE RULES. “she can’t date any one without me meeting them first, she can’t go any where with any boy, she can’t go to church with you any more “. Yeah you read the last one request right. What he doesn’t realize is that  my daughter will go wherever I take her when she is with me and I will not keep Jerry from going to church what type of Christian would that make me?  This isn’t HIS battle and he isn’t going to be shit out of luck because HRH is being ignorant.

I asked my daughter later how the conversation went with her father. She pretty much stated what he told me about meeting the guy first and not being allowed to go to church with me and that she knows it’s her fault but yet I should have never allowed him to come over. HOLD THE PHONE……….excuse me?  “what do you mean I shouldn’t have let him come over ? you aren’t turning this around on me now are you?”. Of course she was……she then proceeded to tell me her father read her the text messages between the two of us but I really doubt he shared the ones of him tearing her down and me putting him in his place. She then said “you shouldn’t have kept texting him?” ………I sat at my desk in disbelief. She’s defending him……of course I told her that this was complete BS and that I told her last night to take care of this and have her father stop with his bullying but she was too tired….it wasn’t important enough at the time and again this morning when I told her to put a stop to it……but yet I’m suppose to let him insult my daughter and me?….not this time. I asked her one last time if she allowed him to continue to insult me in front of her and her answer was “well we will talk about this later”….no we wont….i knew he did, I know when she is trying to back pedal her way out of this. I just couldn’t believe that it somehow became by fault.

She has just proven to me that she’s not mature enough to have a boyfriend or see him ,  mickey mouse or Donald duck for that matter!!! And if she dares to open her mouth and talk in any negative way she can kiss going to Ventura with HRH this weekend.

How do you motivate a 17 yr old

All my 17yr old has to do is get a job and then the car is hers. Now do you think she’s pounding the payment looking for work during her summer break? Nope. It seems as though she is content with sleeping in, texting or playing on her computer. It just baffles me that she has no drive to make this happen it’s not like I just sprung it on her either, she’s known for a year and the only conditions where grades above a C and a job so she can pay for gas.

My car is paid for and runs great. It’s a perfect starter car. I even made it easier for her too…..i bought another car and I love my explorer. Now……the ball is in her court. I asked her about her lack of motivation and she just gets so defensive and then I hear it “we are in a recession no one is hiring, everyone is looking for work ….i went and looked on Monday and some places you have to be 18”. I asked her about the 2 taco bell applications I picked up for her and she said “I don’t want to work at Taco Bell!”….well honey beggers can’t be choosers. If you want my car then you better work on getting a job wherever…….if not then I will sell it. Well she didn’t like that but hey “we’re in a recession!” is what I should have said. 

I just don’t get teens these days………their lack of drive to at least grab onto some independence. I remember I couldn’t wait to get my license and new found freedom when I was allowed to drive my mothers car.Well....now her brother is inching closer to to becoming 16 and soon it will be him driving her around in what would have been "her car". 

My daughters broken heart

I feel bad that my daughter had to experience the full on characteristics of a player so soon. Being 17 is never easy and of course she’s experienced the likings of a young player in the making through-out high school but this recent event really took her for surprise.  She got the taste of the typical wolf in sheep’s clothing just the other day and she was just taken back how she couldn’t see that one coming.

For the past few weeks she’s been helping her friend ….we’ll call him .....Brad ….He has been  having issues pertaining to a girl. It seems that this girl that he was head over heels for was playing games as well. She would pretend to be interested, have him give her rides, take her to the movies and then treat him horribly afterwards. He was simply perplexed with this head game and when he finally found out that she was interested in someone else he just cut his losses. My daughter was there to help pick up the pieces, hearing him vow that he would never be so cruel to someone like that. Their friendship grew stronger and they hung out from time to time. He alluded to her that he was interested in her and that maybe they could hang out this week and of course she was thrilled. To her he seemed to be that handsome guy who had a great heart  and who wouldn’t hurt a soul especially hers.

Yesterday she was hoping for her daily good morning message from Brad “Good Morning Beautiful”, but instead she got “I don’t want to talk to you ever again I’m getting back with my ex “. Dumbfounded she responded with grace. “I’m glad you are getting back together with your ex but why can’t we still be friends?”.  He just kept shutting her down “stop texting me”, “I don’t want to be friends with you”. She thought that this had to be the doings of his ex turned girlfriend.  Then …….she receives a text from her friend stating to not text Brad again. Now, she has no idea how her friend got wind of the recent turn of events, let alone telling her to stop texting Brad and that she will fill her in later. My daughter just sat for hours replaying conversations in her head, rereading text messages that were shared the previous night. How could she misread this? It was so black and white there was no room for loop holes or misunderstanding.

I explained to her that unfortunately some men have the capability of being pretending to be Prince charming, making it seem as though they were meant to be but out of no where he pulls the rug out from under you and you are left on the floor looking up at Captain Hook with sinister grin and all!! 

~~ it's time for ice cream, girly movies and toe nail polish 

My little white lie

So a few weeks ago I wrote about our two oldest boys getting caught checking out porn. Well they haven’t been caught since but considering it is spring break and the Mister and I are in and out of the house going to work…..I decided to tell a little white lie to the boys today.

Coming home for lunch my oldest asked if he could go on the computer and with all the boys gathered around I told him yes………….but……………I also added “just letting you boys know that if you guys check out porn or any improper sites from any computer in this house a text message will  be sent instantly to my phone showing me what sites were just visited”. The look on their faces were priceless…..big eyed and jaws dropped they seemed to be in disbelief that I have that capability!!

Defiance

The dictionary states : Open or bold resistance to or disregard for authority, opposition or power---a challenging attitude or behavior; challenge.

I know it’s normal for kids to be defiant towards their parents once in a while and this normally leads to them being grounded or involved in a long winded talk that leaves the kids with a blank face staring at the ceiling just waiting for us to finish.

Lately I’ve been dealing with the defiance coming from a step kid and dealing with it is a little bit different then when the defiance is coming from one of my own children.  With my own I can scare the bejesus out of them and threaten to remove every single item from their room. When it comes to the step kids I have to step back a bit …. Because they have a tendency to share everything with their mom and at times paint of picture to her like some wicked stepmother. BELIEVE me…..they haven’t seen that side of me yet!!   Yeah it’s tough but they aren’t going to break me, especially his oldest.

Lately, if the oldest step-kid is told to mind the rules and I remind him or discipline him I get a very rude reply of “OHHH MY GOD!”….1. don’t Ohh my God me 2. God is not going to help you in this situation 3. Don’t use Gods name in that manner unless you are dying and needing his assistance. Thankfully the Mister heard him and he stepped in and set him straight which I think shocked him. I also found out that they don’t back talk their stepdad. So why me, why the disrespect  I’m not out there to make their lives a living hell. The Mister and I have set boundaries and rules and we try to keep them straight especially after all the chaos that we experienced a year ago regarding rule breaking and defiance, which I refuse to go back and have to deal with it again.

Here’s how I see it. I work my butt off all day, I hear nasty rude people on the other end of the phone for 8 hours a day and by the time I get home I refuse to put up with any rudeness. Now I do admit I can be snippy and inpatient with all the kids, but I’ve been trying to hold my tongue until absolutely necessary. The Mister and I aren’t strict parents but we have rules and if you continuously test the waters, lie or snap back then that’s when the foot will come down and the discipline will follow.

Scheduling conflicts

As a blended family the schedules can get overwhelming…..but when the chaos flares up that’s not the kids fault it’s the parents.  I feel that it is the responsibility of two sets of parents to keep in contact in regards to appointments, club meetings, youth groups, school activities…and most of all work schedules.

It’s not fair when the Mister is put down in front of his children  by his ex-wife in regards to his work schedule. We all have issues with his schedule but it’s not technically his fault, his employer takes his merry time to get it together at the last moment…..but at least it’s pretty much the same schedule. My problem with this issue is that if she has a “concern” don’t blab it to the children be an adult and talk it out with the other parent…..AND before you start to insult the other parent, check yourself first. There has been many times that we have to alter our schedules  because she tells us at the last minute that the kids have certain club meetings, youth group, boy scouts or school events in which we have to switch around everything. Do we insult her in front of the kids for her lack of insight to inform us ? no, we keep it between us. I wish I can say something but I just keep my mouth shut and wish the Mister will nip this in the bud and tell her that we need to know the kids extracurricular activities way in advance …not THAT day, THAT morning. 

Teenage boys .....Here we go!!!!

Having three boys brings on some new experiences and by experiences I mean teenage boys and their curiosity of the opposite sex. Now, back in the day most boys knew where their dads’ stash of girly mags were kept, normally under the bathroom sink hidden behind the Clorox cleaner and rolls of toilet paper or wrapped up in a paper bag tucked in the night stand. 

I’m not naïve; I know the boys drool over pics of Megan Fox or those tightly, nearly clothed women on WWE. I’ve heard crude comments come out of their mouth regarding women which get quickly extinguished and then an ear full on how those comments are offensive. I know that they learn things from their peers at school and can simple google a phrase and up comes various porn sites…..but do you think I would have thought MY boys would have do such a thing?? HECK NO!!

Imagine the surprise when my ex-husband told me that my 15 yr old son was caught checking out porn at their house. Not my little boy…hmmmm yes my little guy..Well the embarrassment enough seized his curiosity. With that news, the Mister decided to check his laptop because his sons usually do all their face booking on it. Well ….I get a phone call at work and he lists all the “sites” that were visited.  All I’m thinking is “Great I’m not ready for this part….I wonder if Toys R Us has a therapy group for teenage boys who are pornoholics”, the Mister kept listing the names and I just finally told him to delete them and put extra “protection” on computers….and THEN I was thinking about my laptop. If my son had the nerves to do this on his dads’ computer what about mine?

Well….we were going to have a “intervention aka scare tactic” meeting after work, but the Mister was called into  work and it was my ex-husbands day to have my son. So the Mister confronted his boys  and  found out it was only his oldest son that had been searching those sites and came clean about getting a link from someone at school and then it just went on from there. After work, I went to confront my son…..still embarrassed he knew I knew and I asked him if he had “used” my laptop to fill his curiosity. With a quick no he settled my nerves, but then asked if the Misters oldest son got caught. With that I asked “you knew?”, he explained how he caught him about a month ago and told him that he better stop or not get caught and if he did not to mention his name.  I spoke to my son some more in regards to his curiously about unclothed women and he just promised that it wasn’t going to happen again. 

That didn’t stop me from inspecting my laptop and putting stronger preventive measures to stop them cold when they decide to have fun with google or you tube.

What’s next???     Maybe I should check under their mattress……..

The Brady Bunch ...we are not!

I believe the Brady Bunch was the first television show that focused on life  as a blended family.  Well, let me be the first one to say ….the Brady bunch we are not!  We don’t have an Alice who cleans and solves the families’ problems or happy ending lets hug it out moments.  We are your typical blended family full of ups and downs…arguments and compromise and trying to just all get along. 

Lucky for me the Mister knew my children way before I even knew the Mister even existed, so there weren’t any awkward “get to know the kids” moments when we started to date but once we merged the families together that’s when it started to get a bit challenging. 

I have 3 children from a previous marriage and their ages are 19, 17, and 14 and his children are 10 and 12 …all in all we have 2 girls and 3 boys. So as you can see we are smack dab in teenage hell!!  The Mister and I have dealt with everything from the typical “you’re not MY mom/dad” attitude, to finger pointing between the children to his kids against my kids. It can be pretty hectic at times but once the Mister and I learned through counseling that we had to be a team and that the children had to see that they couldn’t manipulate us to take sides than things took a turn towards ……normal?? 

Every day is a learning process, especially with the new title “wife and stepmom”. Whenever I have to raise my voice I have this vision of the wicked step mother from Cinderella in the back of my head and I stand there quietly outside the bedroom door waiting to hear them say “what a witch”, but that never happens. 

All in all I have to admit I do enjoy being part of a blended family……can it be difficult? You bet….but it teaches me patience which is a stretch for me, it makes me that much more organized although from what I’ve learned is nothing ever goes the way you probably have planned because their might be unexpected club meetings, youth groups, boy scouts , school projects due the next day, emergency trips to Walmart,Micheals or Target.

 I can tell you one thing …… my favorite part of being part of a big family is when we are all gathered around the dinner table giving thanks and then enjoying each others company and sharing our day…..it may be over grilled cheese and tomato soup or something gourmet that then Mister put together but either way it’s those 45 minutes that are being treasured!