This is something that was
brought up in counseling this morning. For the past week I have been told by a
friend who is very deep into the church that I need to forgive the Mister for the
incident that happened a couple weeks back. Now, I know that God is a forgiving
God and I know that I was taught in Catholic school to forgive others because
God forgave us for our sins……but here’s where I am at. If I “forgave” him
without a pure heart then I really haven’t forgiven his actions and I wouldn't really have moved on.
My counselor agreed and
mentioned how she recently went to a religious seminar and the topic was fake
forgivers. She proceeded to state that there is no timeline for you to forgive
someone especially when the incident of the action was still fresh. For
her she stated that when she grows irritated at her own anger or realizes that
the issue isn’t relevant to her present then she has to forgive to be a better
person for her own personal growth. She brought up a scenario that when
something of a horrific matter happens and you hear that a family member
declares they have forgiven the person the following day it’s not really forgiveness……because
again the matter is still fresh and you haven’t dealt with the feelings of the
situation.
I admit I’m guilty of being
a fake forgiver. I would pretend to forgive the person but because I never
quite put it behind me I always seemed to throw the situation out there as a
dig….a hurtful dig. I knew it was wrong and I knew that it was wrong for saying
I forgave the person for their actions when in fact I was still holding onto
the hurt and not working on confronting the hurt or situation. I’ve learned now
that forgiveness is completely letting go of the past, it’s pain, its anger and
grief. Forgiveness is operating in the here and now, where the even t is no
longer occurring.
I know I’m not ready to
forgive, for me the inward scares are still so fresh. I’m not saying that I
will never forgive…..I will, but in time. I need to know that it’s pure and not
fake. In time my anger and fear will
work itself out with prayer and counseling…..and each day is a new day for self
growth.
as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must
forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything
together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your
hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:11-15
Colossians 3:11-15
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