September 19, 2010

Puppies,Prozac and The Pursuit of Happiness

We all go on some sort of journey to find our happiness. Whether it be spiritual, emotional or physical. Some think we can find happiness in other people or simply existing as a partner in a relationship depending solely on that person to bring happiness into our life. I can say I’m guilty of doing just that. In the past I thought that all my problems and inner bullshit would go away if I just happened upon the “perfect” relationship….all I had to do is find the perfect man and all would fall into place, which meant I would be happy forever and always…………right? No…..wrong. Life isn’t that simple.

In the last few months I had to deal with upper management and their games, my relationship and its future, my oldest daughter coming home from college and I swear she had been abducted by the pod people and replaced by a “condescending know it all”, my dog who was about to give birth and researching everything that I needed to know about the big day and the days after, and most importantly how to deal with staying sane, because with work being the way it was I was a mess. My anxiety levels were at an all time high that two glasses of wine was the highlight of my afternoon. It wasn’t until I had a mini melt down at work that I decided to see my doctor. She heard a mouth full and prescribed me some anxiety and sleep medication. At first I was apprehensive…. “I don’t need anxiety medication, I’ll just lock myself in the bathroom and do some deep breathing” I thought….but then when do I really ever have 10 minutes to just lock myself in a bathroom without hearing someone yell for me or my faithful dog Lily sniff from the under the door and locate her best friend only to have her ball sitting there right next to her for a game of fetch. So I picked up my prescription and gave it a go.

The Mister and I didn’t find happiness in couples therapy ; that to me was a bunch of crap and it just seemed to bring out unnecessary deep rooted issues in my life that seriously I didn’t want to deal with or better yet…..bring up yet again. I didn’t need to relive the fact that my mother is a dysfunctional piece of work or how my SELF image and low self esteem stems from my fathers lack of tact. I already know I’m a work in progress, I just needed to get a handle on things. The question was how??? How do I get a handle on all that was spinning out of control, find happiness and just deal with life as it was?

George Michael said it best “You just gotta have Faith”. I needed to regain faith in myself, the mister, and GOD…..he does have my back and has taught me some valuable lessons even when I was pretty much tired of those dang lessons